


Pressing Flowers

by Darkhymns



Series: Colloyd Week 2019 [7]
Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Romance, Temporarily Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-24 04:17:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18563761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkhymns/pseuds/Darkhymns
Summary: Lloyd has been keeping a secret for a long time, and though it hurts him to the point of pain, he can't risk ruining what they have.In a certain light, the petals can look beautiful.





	Pressing Flowers

**Author's Note:**

> For Colloyd Week, Day 7: Free Day. I actually got it done, wow.
> 
> Based off the fictional disease, hanahaki, where one coughs up flower petals when suffering from one-sided love. It's a fun concept okay. Could probably add more to this but not enough time..
> 
> Title inspiration from this [Civil Wars song.](https://youtu.be/WBeQ4UBPyDU)
> 
> [Even more art](https://frayed-symphony.tumblr.com/post/184372860028/day-7-of-colloydweek-is-free-day-so-i-decided) by frayed-symphony!!!

_Meet me in the garden where the weeds grow tall_  
_Down by the gate_  
_I got a secret that I might tell_  
_It'll give me away_

**\- Civil Wars "Pressing Flowers"**

* * *

 

When Lloyd was eleven years old, there had been something she said that had pierced his heart. But he didn’t understand.

“Hey, Colette! You should have this!” His arms were full of flowers of all kinds, and maybe even a few weeds in there. Just bouquets of them that he would sometimes bring into his home like his dad would ask him to. To help brighten up the room, or to replace the dying ones in their pots. Lloyd never knew what to get though, just grabbing whatever had the brightest colors and were free of bugs.

He handed one particular white flower to Colette, who was walking with him near the gates of Iselia. At first, she smiled at the treasure trove of petals he held, then blinked at what he was giving to her.

“For me?” she asked, her voice a bit low.

“Yeah! Why not?” Maybe the flower was a little wilted, with one of its petals missing, but he suddenly wanted her to have it. “You can wear it in your hair!”

Colette tentatively reached out, then stopped. “But that flower is meant for-” She paused, looking to the side, all nervous. Then she gave him another smile. “I don’t know if you want to give that to me. Maybe to someone else!”

Lloyd blinked, looking back to the flower and then her. “But it matches your dress!”

She shook her head, golden hair shifting with her. “I’m sorry, just…”

By then, her family was calling, and soon Colette had to rush back home. She waved back to Lloyd as she ran. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow!” Lloyd, still holding the flower in his hand with the rest of his find slowly being crushed in his other arm, could only stare after her.

He couldn’t remember walking home, but suddenly he was at the door, Noishe sleeping in his shed, and his father cooking dinner. He couldn’t smell it, the scent of pollen suddenly overbearing.

“Got us some more weeds for the table?” Dirk was saying, but suddenly everything fell from his arms, along with the white flower Colette had rejected. Hands went to his mouth as he felt something get stuck in his throat.

It had traveled from his heart, straight into his windpipe, dragging the weight of everything until he had been forced to get rid of it. Lloyd choked briefly before he could finally spit it out from his mouth. The taste of copper was on his tongue, red seeping into the small white petal laid in his hand.

By then, his father was kneeling beside him, great hands cradling his own to see what had happened. The bouquet of mismatched flowers were all over around the floor. “Dad? Um, s-sorry I’ll clean up.”

“Don’t move,” said the dwarf, already carrying his small body to the table. Usually Lloyd would resist this. He wasn’t a little kid anymore! He walked through the forest everyday now to school, beating up monsters with the wooden swords he started to learn using so well. But the petal in his hand had kept him still, locking his eyes on it the entire time, even as he was seated on the chair.

Once his dad plucked the petal from his hand, Lloyd could breathe.

“When did this start?”

The question didn’t make sense. But there was something in his chest that was blooming, that was overgrowing. It snaked out its stems and tickled his throat, always urging him to cough up whatever was left. “I… just now.” Lloyd turned away, staring at the floor where the flowers had been thrown. “I was at Iselia.”

His dad was doing something. The petal looked so small in his big hand as he carried it away. To the side, all those finished crafts, some crests half-finished, the charms carved into their sides. Sometimes, Lloyd would hear his father speak them, the language familiar but still impossible for him to repeat with his own mouth.

“Colette was with me,” he said later. Then his heart was beating again. Painfully.

He heard his father sigh. “I see.”

Lloyd knew he needed to keep still, to not prick his lungs against something sharp. A soft plunk against the table brought him back, noticing the wooden mug set in front of him. Something was carved into the side, which he couldn’t read yet. “Drink it all, but take slow sips.”

He followed through, already clasping the mug in his hands. As he sipped, something wilted inside, but still remained. Part of him felt relieved at that. He coughed a little, but nothing came out this time.

“Get used to the taste. I want you drinking this at breakfast and then straight away once you come back home from school.” His father sounded so sure, but there was a note in his voice that Lloyd rarely heard. It made him a little fearful, drinking the rest of what he was given until each drop was gone.

As he did so, Dirk gathered up the fallen flowers on the floor, even the weeds, gripping them all in one hand. No petals fell, and that was a bit comforting to see. “Is this normal?” he had to ask, trying his hardest to remember if Professor Sage ever mentioned something like this.

Heavy footsteps padded over the floorboards, Dirk then reaching for an empty vase. Its shape was a little uneven, distorted – one of Lloyd’s earliest projects. “It’s an old thing. A few of my elders mentioned having it.” His beard lifted in a smile, but again, it was different. “That mixture will help. An old dwarven recipe. So let’s not worry too much about it.”

Lloyd listened, not fully understanding. He nodded anyway. “Okay…”

“Also… I think it would be good if you didn’t go to school tomorrow, lad.”

Usually, Lloyd would be ecstatic at skipping out on any school at all, but he didn’t feel that now. He felt something else, something that was making its home inside his chest. He remembered the shine of gold under the sunlight. “Can I visit… um…”

Dirk shook his head, already knowing. “Let’s just stay at home, alright? I’ll teach you how to make those figures you like so much.”

That sounded nice. And if he focused on that, he could forget the weird ache inside him. At least for a little while.

* * *

Ever since, Lloyd learned to keep it down.

Dirk never fully explained why it happened – why a petal would be found on his pillow the next morning, not even remembering having coughed during the night. But even as slow as Lloyd was, it didn’t take him too long to piece things together. With the way Colette’s hair shone underneath the sun, the way she always seemed to smile at him when he did something impressive – and sometimes give that same smile to other people, to other friends.

Still, he learned to keep it down. The stems and roots snaked through his chest, but each day and night, he’d have the drink his father prepared for him. Each time, the petals inside him wilted. And then regrew once again.

All Colette needed to do was smile at him, and his throat would no longer choke, his chest would no longer tickle with something on the verge of pain. And she would always talk with him, always accept his hand whenever he wanted to offer it. One to pick her up after a fall, or to guide her over a hill. That seemed to be enough, and sometimes when he went to bed, his lungs would feel clear. Or as clear as they could be, like the bare branches of a tree during the winter. He was already planning her necklace, and even told her about it. Colette already accepted it before she could even hold such a thing in her hands.

She would take most gifts from him as long as it wasn’t a flower.

Until, “I’ll see you tomorrow!” he had said to her, up on the balcony. The stars had been many, brightening the earth below. Even with Raine there to urge her along to home, Colette had paused, giving him that smile he wanted to have to himself more than anything. “Yeah… goodbye.”

The feeling in his chest bloomed when he found out she left without him.

He kept it down as Iselia burned, as he and Genis traversed through the Triet desert. Then in that jail cell within a Desian base, he woke up with blood and petals falling from his mouth.

“Keep quiet in there!” shouted one Desian, kicking at the bars before walking off. Lloyd had barely been aware of where he was, only having enough strength to sit against the wall. In his gloved hand, the blood blended with the red material, but the white petals stood out, as they always had.

He would leave this place, eventually, but he had to keep staring at them for a while longer, cradling them carefully in his hold.

* * *

Dirk had done more than give him a map and some supplies before he had set out on his journey.

“What’s that you got?” Genis said as they made camp, still poring over his latest recipe. Curry was simmering in the pot, all while Lloyd drank from a clay bottle. Over one of its sides, letters had been carved. He could read them now, even fix it himself should they ever get scratched out.

“Ah, just something my dad made,” he told Genis. The taste was still bitter after all these years, but he could get some of the ingredients to make more if he needed to. It didn’t need much – as long as the charm was near, he’d be fine. “Anyway, dinner ready yet?”

“I just started!” complained his friend. Even so, his attention was taken away by Colette again, her hair still bright even under the dark sky.

“I think I’m gonna go for a walk,” she had said, hands clasped near her chest. She wasn’t as pale as before, and she didn’t shake like when she had fell earlier. But she had reached out to him then when he had gone to her, to bring her back to her feet despite her newly-granted wings.

“Want me to come with?”

“Thanks, but, I’ll be fine by myself.”

It was a very little thing, and maybe Lloyd could have brushed past it, even when Colette walked off nearer the oasis, away from the light of their campfire.

“Ha ha! You got rejected!”

Lloyd bristled at the tease, muttering something back at his friend. Still, it lodged, it stayed, and it bloomed inside him again.

He had to walk off too, away into deeper dark, ignoring the stare he could feel from Kratos, for some reason. By the time he was out of earshot, he let his body shake, let the multitude of petals rush through his throat, nearly choking him on their sheer number before he would spit them to the sands.

“Dammit..” It hurt still. Why did it have to hurt this much? She only wanted to be by herself, there was nothing wrong with that… But such a little thing sparked his coughing fit until he was forced to sit down. The drink his dad gave him was still near, but he took a deep breath of the night air before doing anything else.

The broken necklace was still in his pocket. It didn’t hurt when he thought of that, and like before when his dad focused his attention on crafting things, he focused on what he would do to fix it.

* * *

Lloyd had finally finished the necklace. But then Colette was gone to him.

Looking into her eyes was like looking into pools of red, like remembering the blood that he would cough into his hands in the early mornings, burying those white petals in the dirt so that no one would ever find them. His chest had been stabbing with pain when she told him goodbye, letting go of his hands despite everything he could say to make her stay. It was a wonder he hadn’t just started coughing whole flowers right there on the floor, where blank-faced angels hovered above him.

Except there was one thing he held back, which Genis would remind of him later on.

“Maybe you should try telling her you love her.”

On the new world of Tethe’alla, Lloyd had hoped that maybe, just maybe, Colette would wake up. But she stayed silent, her bright wings always out, her lips pressed firm, never expressing anything at all. She overlooked this world from the precipice of the mountain they had crash landed on, a bit too close to the edge. The urge to hold her was strong.

Any closer to the edge himself though, and Lloyd might have tripped right over it, so stunned and confused by Genis’ suggestion. “What? Why?” _Should I tell her that?_

It had never occurred to him, after trying to give her the flower after so long ago. To just tell her. To just say it.

His own stupidity just irritated Genis. “Oh, you’re so dense. Stop asking questions and just try it.”

Was this something he could have told her so long ago?

“Uh, um…” Lloyd took a breath, standing beside Colette, enough to see her face. She stared out, unblinking into the horizon. He cleared his throat, uttering out the words that always bloomed in his chest every night, but would settle into his throat, trying to choke him in his sleep. “I love you!”

She said nothing, and that fear of nothing resounded in his head. _This was why._

“Oh well,” said Genis, his voice sounding so far away to Lloyd. “I guess if that was all it took to bring her back to normal, we wouldn’t have come all the way out here to Tethe’alla.”

Because that was what it was supposed to be like, wasn’t it? Those old fairytales he’d hear kids back at the schoolhouse recount sometimes; a declaration of love to save someone, or a kiss to break a spell. But Colette hadn’t made any sound or movement, and how could he kiss someone who clearly didn’t want it?

Frustrated, Lloyd smacked Genis on the shoulder, using his anger to hide the pain that was already gathering inside his chest. His friend whined, his teacher scolded, and his heart stayed locked within a bramble of thorns that pricked everywhere, reopening wounds that wouldn’t stay shut.

So after days of searching for a way to bring her back, after muffling back the pain on nights when he struggled to sleep, he threw everything of himself into getting Colette back. But he had decided on one thing for sure. The joke from Genis had proven it.

He couldn’t tell her he loved her. Just the thought of more silence felt like he was already losing air.

Lloyd had been tempted though. On the day she finally regained herself, they had both stayed by the campfire, the firelight warming their skin. Colette was seated by his side, her eyes a bright blue and her mouth upturned in a smile. Everyone had been asleep, the sky was dark and full of different stars that he never knew of.

“Colette, I…” he started to say, already falling. But the moment he thought of the words, they lodged there, blooming and wilting in the span of a few short seconds, leaving nothing but debris behind.

“What is it, Lloyd?” she asked him. The necklace hung off her neck, glinting in the night. It had brought her back… Should that mean something then?

A turn of her head, and the firelight reflected off her eyes, painting them red.

“Just… welcome back!” He grinned, controlling the waves that would have ran through him otherwise. He had gotten better, even more so since going on the journey. He drank the medicine Dirk lent him, often and deeply, got the ingredients he needed by volunteering to do the food shopping for everyone. He couldn’t be hacking out his lungs every few moments in front of other people. “It’s good to have you again.”

Colette paused a moment before smiling at him, her soft laughter so cheerful. Lloyd could be satisfied with this. He held the petals underneath his tongue, careful to hide them away later, to ignore the soft tickling in his throat. If he was careful, he could be happy with this.

It was better than the silence.

* * *

.

.

.

In her journey with Lloyd, after the world was finally reunited, and her freedom was finally ensured, Colette noticed something peculiar.

Sometimes she would wake, finding white petals scattered around her.

She thought at first that it was just from the wind, the breeze so strong that it wrenched the petals from flowers they had passed by on their journey. That was what Lloyd would tell her, at least. And Lloyd knew a lot of things!

She didn’t look at them too closely, mistaking the occasional red hue on them to just be a natural color. But one petal looked to be completely steeped in it, this one a bit more out of the way.

As she and Lloyd gathered their things in the morning, she stopped the packing of their sleeping mats to pick it up. “Oh..” she breathed, looking at it curiously.

“Hey, we need to go so-” Lloyd’s voice stopped as he finally went up to her. She didn’t notice at first his sharp intake of breath.

“This looks very…” She cupped the petal in both hands. How fragile and small it looked, the red making it curl in on itself. “Did someone get injured here?”

Lloyd covered up her hand with his own, quickly discarding the petal to the earth. “I don’t think that’s anything,” he was saying. “Let’s go.”

She started, raising her head. “Huh? But… it looked…”

“It’s just something old, you know?” He was smiling, but it wasn’t the same. “Don’t worry about it.”

Colette knew then that Lloyd was lying.

She didn’t know how to confront it though, simply nodding as he helped finish packing the mat that she had started to do. Her eyes flicked around their campsite, suddenly finding most of the flower petals she thought she had seen to nowhere at all.

It wasn’t often. In fact, it was very rare that she would find them. Both her and Lloyd had been traveling together for months now, pulled in by the horizons as they walked, no longer propelled by hastiness like their previous journey. They had a goal, but the goal wasn’t dire, and they lingered at places when they wished it, letting her enjoy the look of the sky, or the feel of the wind lifting her hair, or the heat of the sun against her skin – and the heat of Lloyd’s hand when it was placed near hers.

But when she did see them, it was always the same flower petals too, wherever they went. In the desert, in the forest, even in the snows. Why did it seem to follow? When Lloyd called out to her, bringing her to his side, she searched for the lie that, for a moment, had been so plain on his face. But it was gone so easily.

So the best she could do was hold his hand, hearing his even breathing as they walked. Sometimes there was something there, in the way he breathed.

Everyone had secrets of their own – but she wondered whatever Lloyd hid from her was hurting him. She remembered the petal, soft in her palm, remembering how warm it felt. It had seemed to get even brighter the longer she looked at it, before Lloyd brushed it away.

Someday, maybe she could ask him.

* * *

Colette wouldn’t figure things out until they went back to Iselia.

“It’s been like, what, seven months since we’ve been here?” Lloyd had said, both of them seated on the porch of Colette’s home. “It feels even longer than that.”

Old friends and neighbors had crowded around them earlier as they entered the gates, but now they could sit back and relax being in a familiar landscape. Colette had her hands clasped neatly in her lap, sitting right next to her best friend, to someone who had grown to mean so much to her.

 “It does. But, it’s nice to take a break now.” Still, a question that loomed in her mind. “And you’ve been feeling okay too?”

“Hm?” Lloyd had been busy eating one of the sandwiches Colette’s father had made for them, crumbs falling across the front of his jacket. He made sure to swallow before speaking. “Uh, what do you mean?”

She had found another of those flower petals by the schoolhouse, its teardrop shape hidden among grass stalks. She had thought Lloyd had looked a little pale before too, but he smiled so brightly now, skin looking healthy and clear. “Has the journey been tiring you?”

“…Uh, yeah, I guess a little. But I definitely feel a lot better about stuff.” And his grin was so ecstatic and happy, that she couldn’t believe him to be lying now. “Why’d you ask?”

“Oh, I’ve just been feeling a bit tired too.” Maybe she was over worrying. Were the petals she saw from a common flower? One born from the unified world? She had never seen flowers with that peculiar shade, red highlighting on white, as if it had been dipped in red dye. But there was something familiar about them, too… from a long time ago. She was surprised at the memory. “I’m glad to be home again.”

“Yeah…” Something changed in Lloyd’s voice then. “Does that mean maybe you’d rather st-”

“Ah, Colette! May I ask a favor of you?” someone called out. She turned her gaze forward, finding her grandmother slowly walking up to her. She instinctively got up, though looked to Lloyd apologetically.

“S-sorry, you were going to ask something?”

“Eh, don’t worry about it.” The note in his voice was gone suddenly. Did she imagine it again? “It’s okay, I’ll stay here.”

Colette smiled at him, watching how the sun dappled his hair. If he hid a secret, it must not be a serious one. Or he would tell her soon. She trusted him wholeheartedly. She had her own secrets she needed to share as well.

At the end of today, she decided she would tell him that she loved him.

* * *

“You have that okay?” Mathew asked of her.

“Yes. I just-” Colette tripped over her own feet yet again, nearly upending the boxes.

The temple of Martel, despite the change in the world, despite that she was no longer a Chosen, still had had its familiar priests. Letting go of tradition was hard, and even though Colette was free of her fate, she could look back on this place with more fondness. There had been kindness here, and praying still calmed her heart. She could not forget those who had lost their lives too for her, on that day of the Oracle.

So the least she could do was help arrange their storerooms, and with Phaidra finally adjusting to her granddaughter not being the sacred Chosen, no more needing to spend her time deciphering angelic texts or undergoing religious training, she had asked of her help. Many of the priests and scribes were elderly, and with Colette’s added strength along with her eagerness, she gladly accepted to lend some aid.

But throughout all her travels, she had never learned to stop her tripping.

“Oh whoa! I got you though!” spoke Mathew as he caught her by the waist. The scribe had been new a year ago, just joining the Church as Colette had gotten ready to go on her first journey. It was so rare to have those around her age, and it was only him and her moving stuff around, boxes full of precious books to then be transferred to the archives, and old relics that were still valuable, even as the Church waned in influence.

With his help, Colette managed to not ruin anything like she tended to do. “Ah, thank you!”

“You’re as clumsy as they say.” The boy had a shock of blonde hair, his robes long but never impeding his progress during their task. He had already been done with more than half of the work by the time she had even attempted to help. “But maybe you shouldn’t be carrying more than twice the boxes than I can.”

“Oh, it’s no problem! This isn’t heavy for me.” She shifted the boxes in her hold, the scent of aged paper pervading the room, just about to set them down on the shelf next to her.

“Hey, Colette!” Footsteps echoed through the marble corridors before opening wide the half-open door of the storeroom. “You didn’t tell me you were helping move stuff! I could have-” Lloyd stopped immediately then, nearly stumbling himself just as Colette had not too long ago.

“Oh, Lloyd!” She made to go to him, but, someone’s hands kept her in place?

“Oh. Uh. Sorry, I uh.” Lloyd smiled and made to leave. “Didn’t know. I’ll catch you back at your house, okay?” She had never seen him leave so fast before.

“Wait!” But, again, the hands on her. “Uh, you can let go now?” Colette asked of Mathew politely, unable to stop herself from framing it as a question.

With a flush, the boy let go of her waist. “Y-yes! I’m, I apologize, Chosen. Uh, Ms. Colette. Just… that was Lloyd Irving, wasn’t it? Um, apologies again.” He rushed back into the interior of the storeroom. “I can handle the rest. Thank you for your help.”

Colette felt awful for leaving him to more work, but after quickly setting down her share of boxes, she already found her feet rushing out the door. “I’m sorry! Thank you!”

Lloyd had looked so pale suddenly.

She caught him just as he made it down the long temple steps, his bright red jacket catching her eye. “Lloyd! Is… is everything okay?” The sounds of the ocean, crashing against the sharp rocks, filled the air, along with the scent of salt on her tongue.

Lloyd didn’t turn to her. He seemed to be trying to keep his distance? “It’s fine! I don’t want to mess anything up, it’s okay.”

She didn’t understand. There was a catch in his throat, like something was stuck. In her rush, it was a miracle she didn’t trip, already grabbing onto his hand. “Wait, what is-”

Lloyd coughed, keeping his face turned away. His shoulders shook, but his own hand gripped hers tight. “It’s… I’m fine..”

Another cough, more violent this time, and Colette remembered. On certain nights, she would hear something like this, during those times when she couldn’t be allowed to sleep. But she could never get too close, not wanting Lloyd to know that she was awake…

He covered his mouth with his free hand, nearly falling to his knees. She knelt with him. Too worried to say much, she gently tried to move his hand away. Blood stained her fingers, warm and heavy.

A petal floated to the ground. She recognized it. “That’s…”

“Shit…” Lloyd muttered, looking away, clenching his hand tightly. But she had seen the other petals, the blood soaking through them. “Forgot… to drink it today…”

“Lloyd?” She held him close. “What’s happening to you?”

He shook his head. “Need to get home.” He closed his eyes. “Dad will have it…”

She had kept a secret once like this too. The same look of pain she would feel was in his eyes.

Colette summoned her wings, already cradling Lloyd in her arms despite him protesting at first. But he could barely speak, still covering his mouth to stop anything more from spilling.

* * *

Colette waited on the lower floor as Dirk tended to his son.

She had seen Lloyd carry around that same bottle, a gift from his dad, he had told her. But he always kept it close on him, and sometimes she would see him re-carve the strange letters on its side with his knife. The letters were like the crest on her necklace, warding off a sickness that would have otherwise engulfed her whole.

Dirk had prepared whatever drink in the kitchen, the scent of it so familiar too. When the dwarf lumbered down the steps, he gave her a smile. “Thank you for bringing him, Colette,” he said to her, eyes a little sad. “I worry about him sometimes.”

There were flowers set on the dining table that she sat at, white roses as bright as her dress. They were placed in a vase that didn’t look like Dirk’s handiwork. She remembered more clearly now.

Some secrets are much too painful to be kept to one’s self.

Afterwards, she rushed to Lloyd’s room, knocking on his door softly, quickly entering. She was unable to stop herself. “Lloyd? I’m coming in.”

He was already sipping at the clay mug Dirk had brought him when she went inside. He sputtered as he drank, some of it dripping down his chin. “C-Colette. Uh, I’m okay now. Just… had a really sore throat.” His knuckles brushed against his chin, grinning wide. But his face was still pale, and his grin was weak. “Sorry for worrying you.”

He was lying. But he was no good at lying.

On the window shelves of his room, Lloyd always had an assortment of plants around, stems studded with deep green leaves that arched down to the floors. Even the ivy that climbed up his house would sometimes find their way into his room, wrapping around the ceiling beams, or decorating the walls. But Lloyd never had flowers around. There was only that one uneven vase at the dining table downstairs, the petals so bright.

“Was it because of what happened at the temple?” she asked him.

Again that look of loss that she had seen in him before he rushed away. He got paler. “I… It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”

Mentioning would make it worse. Still, Colette knew there was no moving forward without talking through it. “He didn’t mean anything like that to me,” Colette said, confused as she sat next to Lloyd, just beside his bed. “I saw the flowers. You shouldn’t need to hide that from me.”

“It’s... nothing,” he tried to say clearly, but his body once again shivered, looking to the side. His words came out in a croak before he tried clearing his throat again. “I don’t want to get in the way. If you like someone, that’s fine. And I know you want to be home, too. So…”

“I… I don’t understand, Lloyd. I said I wanted to travel with you and I meant it.” Colette reached for his hand. She felt him stiffen, wanting to take it away, but then he gripped it tight suddenly, desperately. He was still not looking at her. “You’re the one who said we shouldn’t hide anything from each other.”

Lloyd’s face was hard to read. “I know. I say a lot of things.” Still, he didn’t let go. “I’ve had this for a long time, it’s not a big deal.”

“But.. it’s hurting you! All this time, it’s been hurting you. I’m sorry. I should have noticed it sooner.”

“Colette, it’s really fine.” Of course, another coughing fit made him curl into his chest, made him use his other hand to cover his mouth. Colette didn’t move away, no matter how much she knew Lloyd would want her to.

The same petals she remembered were in his hand. He quickly crushed them in his grip, keeping them out of sight. A trail of blood trickled down the side of his mouth. “I just… need to handle it better.”

She clasped her hands over his own, holding it so tight. So that he could know, so that he could understand. “I thought the same also. I need to handle it myself. I need to keep it to myself. But you didn’t want that for me either.”

Lloyd wiped the blood from his mouth, his face in pain, his words choked in his throat along with everything else. “To fix this, it… I can’t ask that. I can’t go look for a cure.” His hold on her hand was just as tight. “I’m sorry. I told you a lot of things and I’m just… two-faced about it.”

She was quiet, then, “Dirk told me what it is.”

Colette could feel the thoughts whirring in Lloyd’s head once she said that, could hear the air still around them. He was hesitating, too. “What?” he asked.

She couldn’t make up for missing out on all the signs all those years, to understand what Lloyd was going through over herself, but she had cared for him always. Her kiss was gentle, pressing into him as soft as she could. And Lloyd felt soft too, like the petals she once held in her hand, his taste as sweet as she imagined their nectar to be. There was still a hint of copper on his lips, but through that bitterness, she found something much more.

After the kiss, Lloyd was breathing easier.

“I… I didn’t mean to make you do that,” he could only say. Nothing so romantic or very fitting, but his guilt was clear. So she kissed him again, so that he could be sure. He breathed more fully, his chest rising as he kissed her just as deep.

Staying close, she reached out to his other hand, unfurling his palm to gaze at the petals he still held, to pluck them from his grip.

Still, she could feel his confusion.

“I didn’t think I deserved that flower,” she murmured, keeping close to his chest. To hear his heart beat steady, to hear him breathe clearly. “I didn’t want to hurt you after I became an angel. But… I still did. I’m sorry I never accepted it.”

“No, you dork. Don’t apologize.” He wrapped his arms around her tightly, burying his head in her hair. “I only wanted you to have it… I…” A struggle. She felt his hands on her waist, she heard his soft breathing against her hair. “I love you, Colette.”

She smiled, leaning up to kiss him a third time. “I love you, too.”

The petals scattered around them as they held each other close, still so fresh and bright.


End file.
